


Cat Whiskers

by brooklyn1967



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: 2009 Phan, 2010 Phan, 2011 Phan, 2012 Phan, 2013 phan, 2014 phan, 2015 Phan, DAN AND PHIL - Freeform, Depressed!Dan, Depression, M/M, Phan - Freeform, Phandom - Freeform, Phanfiction, Ratings may change, i may take it down later, idk - Freeform, idk even know what this story will be, mentions of depression, might get back together, possible mentions of suicide, they'll probably break up eventually, this is my first phanfiction, um, what to tag?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-08
Updated: 2018-03-02
Packaged: 2018-03-16 23:10:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,305
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3506228
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brooklyn1967/pseuds/brooklyn1967
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dan and Phil 2015: two YouTuber's taking over the internet, one subscriber at a time.<br/>Dan and Phil 2009: A boy with depression and an idol and a boy with a camera and a dream.</p><p>This is the story of them then, them now and everything in-between. Maybe they find love on this highway called life maybe they don't. One thing is for certain though: the cat whiskers come from within.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Kid's Aren't Alright

**Author's Note:**

> First of all: I am so sorry for the really cheesy summary. If someone manages to write a better one then go for it and send it to me. :)  
> Secondly: I don't know if this is going to stay up. I might delete it if you guys don't like it because I'm not sure how I'm feeling about it but give it a read and tell me what you think. The style of writing is quite informal by the way but it might work. I'm not too sure.
> 
> Of course, I am not saying this happened. This is based around a very loose truth. I have tried to get charcters as real as possible and the dates as true as possible but who knows if Dan and Phil are in a platonic or romantic relationship? Only them, so this is my interepretation but is not real but as real as I could get it without being a stalker and writing a biography on the two of them.
> 
> Comment and leave kudos if you like it and maybe I will continue writing, who knows? Enjoy. XD

It was one of those days. One of the days where I feel completely numb and detached from the world. I had floated through college, not really paying attention to what anyone was saying. That’s why you haven’t got any friends Dan, you’re a weirdo. I walked through the front door of my house and saw my mum was in the kitchen.  
“I’m home!” I called out before heading up to my room to find some sort of distraction and as I sat at the stool of my keyboard and started to play some song I had learnt ages ago. Since I started teaching myself the piano I had wanted to get a proper piano and not just have a plastic keyboard but I didn’t have enough money and it wasn’t sometime my parents were prepared to get me for Christmas.  
It was about half an hour later of an endless amount of music that I decided I should learn something new. I need to learn something new. Therefore, I opened up my laptop and searched piano tutorials of different songs on YouTube. Maybe some My Chemical Romance or what about some more Muse? This routine wasn’t an unusual one for me. Ever since I had started feeling the way I did I had found distraction through the piano, no matter how much of a wannabe piano this keyboard was. I found it in the cupboard under the stairs and asked my mum why we had it. She just replied by saying that she had once wanted to learn but never got round to it, so I took it to my room and started learning. I was pretty could actually, I wouldn’t deny it. But then again, when you need distractions as much as I do and the piano being one of your only distractions, you ended up practicing quite a lot therefore getting quite good at it. I was looking for a song to learn as I hadn’t actually chosen one yet so I kept flicking through different videos from the watch next section that was at the side of the page.  
I don’t know how that video ended up at the side of the page but it was titled ‘Alarm.’ by some guy called AmazingPhil. The thumbnail picture was of a guy that was probably a few years older than myself. He had black hair with a long fringe, blue-green eyes who was wearing a purple top and had a small lion on his shoulder and okay, this guy. I was about to click the video when my mum called up the stairs.  
“Dan time for dinner.” She called up to me and with a groan I got up from my seat and headed downstairs to the dining room. All the food was already on the table and mum, dad and my brother Adrian was already sat at the table.  
“Hello son.” My dad gave me a weak smile. I didn’t have the best relationship with my family, I was closer to Adrian then anybody else. It wasn’t like we disliked each other when I was growing up we were a great family but since I was fourteen, things started getting somewhat strained especially after that conversation.  
“Let’s all tuck into this lovely meal then.” My dad finished before we all started eating our usual meal for Fridays; bangers and mash. How very…British.  
It was nearer to the end of the meal when conversation topic changed to me after my parents discussed about Adrian getting onto his school’s football team.  
“What’s new in your life currently Dan?” My mum asked me and I could tell that she actually cared. She was my mum and I knew she loved me but I also knew that I wasn’t what she wanted and I never would be, no matter how hard I tried.  
“Nothing much.” I mumbled, placing a bit of mash potato in my mouth. Bite. Chew. Swallow.  
“Not a pretty girl you’ve got your eye on?” And there it was. I should have been used to it by now but I wasn’t and it made me want to claw my skin apart.

I didn’t know what I had been expecting when I came out to my family. The first person I ever told my sexuality to was Adrian. We had a great brotherly relationship and I knew he wouldn’t hate me for it. In fact we used to tell each other a lot of things and secrets and we still do…to some extent. I knew he would understand because this guy in the year below him who was gay once asked him out but he kindly told him he wasn’t into men but now they hang out every now and then and are friends. Adrian is pretty much everything I’m not. He’s seen as good-looking by a lot of people, he is liked by a lot of people, he’s not extremely intelligent but he’s not stupid either. He is also really sporty and popular and I know that is how my parent wished for me to be.  
Anyway, I told him while my parents were out so they wouldn’t overhear. I told him I liked both boys and girls while my body was racked with nerves. This was when I had just turned sixteen. I told him he couldn’t tell anyone, not even mum and dad and he was fine with it. He gave me a big hug and we went out to the cinema together and he didn’t care about my sexuality. When he saw me checking out some guy he would chuckle slightly while mumbling the word ‘typical’ under his breath.  
My parents were somewhat different. They weren’t homophobic, I knew they accepted gay rights but that didn’t mean that they wanted their son to be into the same sex. I told them six months after I had told Adrian, which was roughly three months ago from this current date.  
I don’t think I had ever been more nervous. My mum and dad were watching TV in the lounge so I entered the room and asked if I could talk to them about something. ‘Of course’ my dad said and my mum said ‘always’ and I sat down while rubbing my sweaty hands onto my sweatpants.  
“What is it honey?” My mum asked me, both of my parents with intrigued eyes.  
“I-“ I stammered. I couldn’t get my words out. “I-. I’m bisexual.” I finally blurted out looking at the floor because I didn’t want to see my parent’s reactions.  
I heard my mum crying and looked up to see that my dad had moved next to her to comfort her. At the look on both of their faces I just wanted to run up to my room to cry and play some piano and listen to some Fall Out Boy but I waited for them to say something.  
“Are you sure it’s not just a faze?” My mum asked.  
“A faze?” I blurted out before I could stop myself. Is that what she thought sexuality’s were fazes and choices. Dear Lord, if only it was that simple. “Is that what you think this is?”  
“What I mean is, are you sure you’re not just confused? You’ve liked girls since you started to have romantic interests.” My mum told me.  
“I mean son, how can you like both sex’s. I’m sure you will get over this soon.” My dad added and it was now getting harder to blink away the tears.  
“What? I’m not confused. I started to have an interest in girls since I was thirteen mum and I only realized I liked guys a year after that. Being bisexual does not mean I’m confused. How can Adrian take this better than you guys did and he’s fricking younger than all of us.”  
Where the hell did that come from Dan?  
“You’ve told your brother?” My mum had stopped crying now and each of my parents had an unreadable expression on their faces.  
“Six months ago.” I replied and I think that was a gasp I heard from my mum and my dad.  
“Son, you’ve got to understand that we are not disappointed in you for choosing this and we won’t be mad at you if you do come out as gay in the end. What we are saying is, that maybe you should think this for a while and don’t start making any hasty decisions.” My dad told me and I wanted to scream ‘FUCK YOU’ at them but instead I stormed out the room and headed to my own bedroom.

So yeah, even three months after I have come out to my parents they still think I’m just confused and that I’m going to come out of it with a beautiful wife and multiple children while we live happily ever after, hence the question about a pretty girl.  
“No mum.” I sighed as she asked the question as I quickly lost my appetite. That was happening a lot recently, my appetite fluctuating. I had no idea why but I had no idea why my body did and felt a lot of things so I just ignored it.  
“I’m sure there’s one beaut-“ My mum started as I started digging my nails into my skin which Adrian must have seen because he interrupted her.  
“Mum.” He stated quite simply which shocked all of us. “Drop it okay?” He could clearly see I was agitated and wanted to stop it. I don’t think I gave my brother enough credit. I was meant to be defending him as I was the older brother, not the other way round.  
“Whatever. Your father and I will do the dishes tonight so you are both excused.” Mum told us with a – clearly fake – sickly sweet smile on her face. As soon as the words left her mouth I stood up from the table and headed up to my room. Why couldn’t she just understand that maybe I will end up with a guy when I’m older and if we have kids, then they will be adopted? Adrian understood and he was eleven.  
“Dan?” I heard my brother ask from behind me as I was just about to enter my room.  
“Yeah?”  
“Are you alright?” He asked me and I turned around to see him standing just outside his own bedroom door with concern written all over his face.  
“I’m fine Adrian, thanks.” I tried to give him a smile but I don’t think he believed it as he let out a sigh.  
“Just ignore mum and dad. They’ll get used to the idea of you having a relationship with a guy. It will just-“  
“Take time? Whatever.” I snapped, interrupting him and I probably sounded harsher than I mean the words to come out and whatever he was about to say next I didn’t give him a chance to say it as I entered my room and quickly shut the door behind me.  
I sat on my bed and looked at my laptop again resuming what I was doing before dinner was called. The guy with black hair and blue eyes…of course. This time there was no mistaking that this guy was pretty good-looking so I played his video to see what he was about.  
I had watched vloggers before and I had subscribed to a few but I had never heard of AmazingPhil, yet there was something different about him. He was hilarious talking about how he had to wait outside a hotel in pajamas while everyone was dressed and then how he forgot his key card and for those two minutes and 56 seconds it was like I had forgot about my fucked up brain/life. It was like the distraction I got through the piano yet this made me feel less lonely.  
I didn’t comment on many YouTube videos, yet I commented on this one telling him how it was hilarious and how it had just made my day. I then proceeded to watch the rest of his videos and before I knew it, it was a couple hours later and I was subscribed to the AmazingPhil channel plus his side channel. I was smiling, this guy was truly something else.  
I looked at the battery of my laptop and noticed it was going to go flat in about ten minutes so before I turned it off to put it on charge I logged onto twitter and searched for @AmazingPhil and followed him instantly. I read through a few of his most recent tweets which were quite a lot of replies to his subscribers.  
‘@Dan_Howell: @AmazingPhil, Just went through watching your videos, they seriously made my day. Can’t wait for your next upload. XD’  
Of course I knew he wasn’t going to reply. What was I? One fan amongst thousands and that’s all I ever would be.

Days past and nothing changed. The only difference was that whenever Phil Lester uploaded a new video I watched it ASAP and I commented and tweeted him quite often. There were all sorts of tweets. Ones telling him how great I thought his most recent video was or how I saw the movie he was about to see and what I thought about it. It was weird. This guy on my laptop screen made me smile and laugh and it was forced like normal. Maybe I had the slightest crush on AmazingPhil but I still knew that I was just another face in a crowd for him, despite how much his stupid little videos comforted me.  
On this particular day, it was my birthday. June 11th 2009. A Thursday which meant school. I woke up, opened my presents from my family and went to school which was as crap as normal. No one wished me a happy birthday, not even someone from the group I sometimes hang around with. Not their fault though that I’ve never told them my birthday so how would they know? Let’s just say, I couldn’t wait for the day to end and it wasn’t one of my bad, bad days where I feel so numb that I can’t function like a normal human being. Today actually was an alright day for how my brain wanted to act.  
When I got home I went straight up to my room like normal and logged onto my computer and then opened YouTube. This routine was becoming more and more regular as I waited for one of my subscribed YouTube channels to upload another video and mainly see if a certain YouTuber had uploaded a new video. It was clear to say that AmazingPhil had become my favorite YouTube channel and I have no idea why his videos had such an impact on him.  
When I opened up YouTube I instantly saw that he had, indeed, uploaded another video. It was titled Interactive Space Adventure. It was different from his usual videos but I absolutely loved it. You could see how much effort he had put into it and it was definitely worth it. I ended up following each of the links to see each individual story that he had made and by the time I was finished I was grinning from ear to ear because this was the best birthday present. It doesn’t matter that thousands of others would watch this as well, this is what made my day special.  
After watching the video, I did what I normally did and opened up twitter to tweet this amazing northerner.  
‘@Dan_Howell: @AmazingPhil, Your new video is absolutely one of your best. I followed each and every route you could take. :’D’  
‘@Dan_Howell: @AmazingPhil, I think the best part of my birthday is coming home from school to watch that video. <3’  
‘@Dan_Howell: @AmazingPhil, also have you heard about the new Muse album coming out in September. It’s gonna be so good!!1’  
Maybe I tweeted him a little too much but it’s not my fault that twitter only allowed 140 characters and it wasn’t like he was actually going to see these tweets anyway. They would be lost in his never-ending amount of twitter replies that he gets.  
I watched some other YouTube videos before getting called down for dinner. Because it was my birthday we just ordered a Chinese and ate it in the living room watching TV. Because of this, there wasn’t much talking going on and by the time I was finished I was allowed to sneak up back into my room once again.  
Deciding to want to play on the PlayStation I went over to my computer about to turn it off when I saw the ‘2’ icon where it had the notifications. This wasn’t unusual as I had a few followers and some people favorite my tweets now and then so I just clicked on my notifications, not expecting anything out of the usual.  
‘@AmazingPhil: @Dan_Howell, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! I’m looking forward to the album but if it doesn’t come out soon, I’m going to start ‘The Resistance’ against it. ;) XD’.  
At first I didn’t believe I simply just thought what before checking that it was the correct twitter handle because some people had theirs as ‘@ArnazingPhil’ or ‘@AmazimgPhil’.  
After checking it about a million times I finally realized that it was the AmazingPhil that had read my tweets and had replied to me. The fucking PHIL LESTER. Being the functional human being I am, it took me a moment to recompose myself to form a response.  
‘@Dan_Howell: @AmazingPhil, haha, thanks. I don’t know whether to laugh or cringe at that terrible, terrible pun.’  
I then turned off my computer and played on the PlayStation like I had planned.

The next day that I nearly had a heart attack was two days later on the thirteenth. It was a bad day for me. I woke up wishing I hadn’t and I just felt so detached from the world. I tried to stay in bed and sleep so the day could pass in the blur but at half ten in the morning my mum came banging on my door telling me that it’s far too late to still be sleeping.  
After ten minutes of debating if I should pretend like I hadn’t heard what she said and just get shouted at later or get out of bed, go downstairs, have breakfast and then just come back upstairs to go on my piano or laptop or something! The latter option one the debate as I was not in the mood to get moaned at so with a groan I got out of bed and got changed into a loose pair of jeans and a black hoodie not in the mood for anything else and my hair was only slightly hobbit-y and considering I was staying home all day, I didn’t bother straightening it.  
As I went downstairs I saw my mum and dad sat at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee each talking about some random stuff to do with my dad’s work.  
“Is Adrian up yet?” I asked while I put the kettle on to make myself a cup of tea.  
“He’s gone to a friend’s house. Have you got any plans today?” My dad both answered and asked me.  
“I’ll just be upstairs doing homework, I’ve got tons to do this weekend.” I lied.  
“Surely, you haven’t got that much Dan. Maybe you should go and meet up with a few friends.” Mum offered the idea and I knew she was just being a mother and making sure I was acting like a normal teenager but that statement pissed me off. If I was going to meet up with friends I would be meeting up with friends. But no, I already felt numb and ready to die so I just wanted to be left alone in my room with Muse, Fall Out Boy, my piano and the internet. So mum, please stop treating me like a normal teenager because I’m not a normal teenager and can’t you fucking see that?  
Of course I didn’t say all that, no matter how much I wanted to. Instead I muttered a, “Maybe later.”  
I walked upstairs with my cup of tea and roughly made my bed so I could sit on it with my laptop. I logged onto all the usual websites: MySpace, Facebook, Twitter, YouTube. Not much was going on. People from school were going to a party later that I had got invited to but considering my current feeling, I wasn’t going to go. No one had uploaded a new video and not many people seemed to be currently tweeting so I shut my laptop lid and went over to my keyboard.  
After over an hour of practicing different songs and melodies, I went back over to my laptop, hoping for something new to pop up. MySpace, no. Facebook, no. YouTube, no. Twitter…yes.  
There were a few more tweets; the majority just normal fans of the things that I liked but one was from AmazingPhil. Of course, it would be him to try and save the day and although I knew that the tweet wasn’t just for me I grinned.  
‘@AmazingPhil: My parents have gone shopping leaving me home alone for a few hours…what crazy antics will I get up to?’  
It was tweeted five minutes ago, so doing what I normally did…I replied.  
‘@Dan_Howell: @AmazingPhil, knowing you, you will probably just go to the toilet with the door open and scream at your DS as you die in Mario Kart. XD’  
I then proceeded to read other peoples replies to Phil and a few minutes later I got a ‘1’ next to my notifications.  
‘Phil Lester has replied to 1 of your tweets.’  
What? WHAT? Again, had he actually replied to me…again? Just like last time I checked that the twitter handle was correct and nearly had a heart attack…again. Jesus Christ, this guy was going to be the death of me.  
‘@AmazingPhil: @Dan_Howell, YOU KNOW MY SECRET!!! PREPER TO BE INCINERATED!!!!!!!!!!!!’  
I couldn’t help but chuckle, he was such a dork and after I got through the shock I replied.  
‘@Dan_Howell: @AmazingPhil, oh no. I’m petrified…’  
Two minutes later: 1 notification.  
‘@AmazingPhil: @Dan_Howell, you should be…you really should...’  
Ohmygod.  
‘@Dan_Howell: @AmazingPhil, you’re a dork.’  
One minute later: 1 notification.  
‘@AmazingPhil: @Dan_Howell, an adorable dork ;)’  
Isthisactuallyhappening?  
‘@Dan_Howell: @AmazingPhil, meh, I’m not too sure about that one.’  
What on earth am I doing? I thought to myself. I don’t think my brain was fully functioning because here I was with the AmazingPhil. I think my fingers were on autopilot.  
One minute later: 1 notification.  
Phil Lester (@AmazingPhil) is now following you.  
Holy fuckballs was this real. I think it’s quite embarrassing how much I was failing in all honesty. Was this even happening.  
One minute later: 1 new Direct Message.  
‘From: @AmazingPhil  
To: @Dan_Howell  
I’m an adorable dork and you bloody well know it ;)’  
The three words ‘holy fucking shit’ were the only thing going on in my head in that moment and I’m surprised I didn’t faint. I deserve a medal for that.  
‘From: @Dan_Howell  
To: @AmazingPhil  
Eh, maybe. You’re still an extreme dork. You’re puns are just terrible. At least you have good music taste though. XD’  
Before I knew it was having a DM conversation with Phil Lester, it was pretty nerve-racking actually. What if I made a fool out of myself in front of my idol? After talking for half an hour, of talking I got my final message from Phil.  
‘From: @AmazingPhil  
To: @Dan_Howell  
Parents just got back and they want me to help them unpack the bags. *sighs* talk to you soon though, yeah? Maybe we could skype my user is PhilLester1234. BYEEEEEE!!!!!! Xx’  
…  
…  
…  
…  
…  
I HAD AMAZING PHIL’S SKYPE. Calm down Daniel, you’re going to give yourself a heart attack and then you won’t even be able to skype him.  
‘From: @Dan_Howell  
To: @AmazingPhil  
Haha, have fun loser and yeah, talk soon. I’ll add you on skype. Xx’  
So I did, I added Phil Lester on skype and I hadn’t even noticed the way he made me forget. He made me forget about how I felt when I work up this morning. He made me forget how my parents were going to end up pushing me in a heterosexual relationship. He made me forget that I have no proper friends. He made me forget. So I added him on skype and I went through the rest of the day with a racing heart because although I knew there was practically an 80% chance that I wouldn’t get the change to video chat with that contact because he was AmazingPhil after all. But I added him and I forget for a while but for those moments that I was talking to him, I got a taster of what happiness might be.


	2. Not a chapter...again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm back.....?

In a last chapter that I deleted I said I wasn't gonna continue but maybe slowly I could continue this? Would anyone actually want that? Let me know, yeah? I can try to give it a go. 

 

However I do have other story ideas and if no one wants this, I don't think I'll continue. 

 

Lets see see what you guys think then I'll reach my conclusion 


	3. announcement

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> IM SORRY ITS BEEN A YEAR SINCE I SAID ID CONTINUE THIS AND I STILL HAVENT PLEASE DONT HURT ME

So I know, I said I was going to continue this but as you can see I haven't and I'm not going to anytime soon. I'm sorry but never say never. 

 

However, I did what to say if any of you are in the HamFam, especially shipping Lams then I'm currently working on a fic for that! Go check it out maybe? 

 

Thanks so much for the support on this even if it hasn't got very far. 

**Author's Note:**

> I need a beta/friends/someone to help me with deadlines and shit. So if you want to be either or all of those things my links are down below...seriously I need friends. I'm a bit of a loner.  
> Tumblr: http://livinginphantasia.tumblr.com/  
> Twitter: @pastelphantasy  
> Kik: 67brooklyn_
> 
> by the way chapter title from fall out boy


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